It’s highly likely your parenting style has developed naturally in one of two ways;
1. You’re either modelling parenting to how your parents raised you, or
2. Your parenting style is completely different to the way you experienced parenting as a child.
Either way, you’ll have good days and good outcomes, and less good days and less than ideal outcomes. That’s because no matter what you may read, there is no such thing as the perfect parenting method – just lots of opinions and advice…and not all of it is healthy or supportive.
Whether you’re a new parent or adding quantity to your tribe, parenting is one of the most profound and challenging roles anyone can undertake. Before we explore some of the countless theories and styles, it’s crucial to go on this journey with your partner because there's no use you both adopting different approaches, you need to agree on one and support each other in making it successful for your family.
In this exploration, we’ll delve into various popular and unique parenting styles, each offering distinct benefits and potential drawbacks. By understanding these styles, you can better align your parenting approach with your family's needs, abilities, and interests.
By no means are these in any particular order but we recommend following this assessment process;
Read each one of the styles independently from your partner, digesting the pros and cons
Rate each parenting style out of 10, with 10 being your ideal environment and 1 for completely misaligned to your parenting philosophy
Connect with your partner and share the scores you’ve given each style – think about how you want to explain your logic and feeling for why you’ve scored each style as you have
If your preferred approach matches your partner then the next steps are relatively straight forward – it’s about communication, format, structure, language, tolerances, mitigations, rewards/recognition, punishments and sanctions etc.
If your preferred approach differs, you need to create a safe environment to share your thoughts, listen openly to your partners rationale and decide whether you can compromise. Remember, you’ll just create friction and an imbalanced homelife if you try to adopt two different styles of parenting in one household.
If you are still struggling to agree on a parenting style and it’s developing into a conflict, it may be time to seek some guidance or counselling to work through a path forward. Many couples find this early advice crucial in establishing a cohesive parenting approach.
So, let’s get into the styles:
1. Authoritative Parenting
Overview:
Authoritative parenting is often praised for its balanced approach. This style combines high expectations with strong support. Authoritative parents set clear rules and standards but also encourages open communication and provides emotional support.
Characteristics:
High Demand, High Responsiveness: These parents expect maturity and responsibility but are also sensitive to their child’s needs and feelings.
Reasoning: They explain the reasons behind rules, helping children understand the rationale rather than simply enforcing obedience.
Encouragement: Authoritative parents foster independence while maintaining a close, nurturing relationship.
Pros:
Promotes high self-esteem and social competence.
Encourages independence and responsibility.
Builds a strong, trusting parent-child relationship.
Cons:
Can be demanding and require significant time and energy (if you are parents who work long hours or multiple jobs – these stressors may prevent you successfully adopting this style of parenting).
May be challenging to maintain consistency in rules and expectations.
Ideal For:
Families looking for a balanced approach that fosters both independence and emotional support. Ideal for children who thrive on clear guidance but also need room to express themselves.
2. Authoritarian Parenting
Overview:
Authoritarian parenting is characterized by high demands and low responsiveness. This style is often associated with strict rules and expectations, with little room for flexibility or open communication.
Characteristics:
High Demand, Low Responsiveness: Parents enforce rules strictly, without necessarily providing explanations or seeking input from their children.
Control: Emphasises obedience and discipline, sometimes relying on punishment.
Limited Emotional Support: Interaction tends to be less warm and supportive compared to other styles.
Pros:
Can lead to well-behaved children who adhere to rules.
Creates clear structure and expectations.
Cons:
May result in lower self-esteem, less than optimum social skills and more compliant children.
Can hinder the development of independence and problem-solving skills.
May result in strained parent-child relationships as the child feels they cannot express themselves authentically.
Ideal For:
Families that value strict discipline and structure and can manage the potential emotional distance and impact on the child's self-esteem.
3. Permissive Parenting
Overview:
Permissive parenting is characterized by low demands and high responsiveness. These parents are lenient and allow considerable freedom, often avoiding setting strict rules or boundaries.
Characteristics:
Low Demand, High Responsiveness: Parents are warm and accepting but rarely enforce consistent rules or standards. They may be perceived as being ‘friends’ with their child rather than a parent.
Flexibility: Often very tolerant (even dismissive) of their child's behaviour and less likely to impose restrictions.
Supportive: Encourages open communication and emotional support.
Pros:
Promotes a strong, positive relationship between parent and child.
Encourages creativity and self-expression.
Cons:
Can lead to issues with self-discipline and respect for authority.
May result in difficulties with academic achievement and social behaviour.
Ideal For:
Families that prioritise a nurturing environment and are comfortable with a more relaxed approach to rules and discipline. Suitable for children who respond well to freedom and flexibility.
4. Uninvolved Parenting
Overview:
Uninvolved parenting, also known as neglectful parenting, is characterised by both low demand and low responsiveness. Parents who follow this style are often emotionally distant and disengaged from their children’s lives.
Characteristics:
Low Demand, Low Responsiveness: Minimal interaction, support, or guidance.
Lack of Supervision: Limited involvement in the child’s daily activities or decision-making.
Neglect: Emotional and sometimes physical needs may be unmet.
Pros:
Very low stress for parents who prefer minimal involvement.
Cons:
Can lead to significant developmental issues, including emotional and social problems.
Often results in poor academic performance and behavioural issues in children.
These may be the children seen wandering around the neighbourhood at night or being disruptive in a shopping centre
Ideal For:
This style is generally not recommended, as it often leads to negative outcomes for children. However, some families may unintentionally adopt this style due to personal constraints or challenges that prevent them from being available or present in parenthood.
5. Helicopter Parenting
Overview:
Helicopter parenting is characterised by excessive involvement in a child’s life. Helicopter parents closely monitor and intervene in their child’s activities and decisions.
Characteristics:
Over-involvement: Parents constantly oversee and often control their child’s experiences.
Overprotection: May prevent children from making their own mistakes or learning from them.
High Control: Intense focus on ensuring children achieve specific outcomes often related to their own missed opportunities.
Pros:
Provides children with a lot of support and oversight.
Can help in ensuring safety and academic achievement.
Cons:
May hinder the development of independence and problem-solving skills.
Can lead to increased anxiety and decreased self-esteem in children.
May result in co-dependence throughout their lives and the inability to make their own decisions without seeking parental approval. In a workplace this may present as being too needy.
Ideal For:
Families where parents have the time and energy to be highly involved, and where the child is receptive (and not resentful) of such close supervision.
6. Positive Parenting
Overview:
Positive parenting focuses on nurturing a child’s emotional development and behaviour through encouragement, respect, and empathy. This style emphasises positive reinforcement rather than punishment.
Characteristics:
Supportive and Encouraging: Uses excessive praise and encouragement to promote good behaviour.
Emotional Connection: Fosters a strong emotional bond and open communication.
Focus on Solutions: Emphasises problem-solving and collaboration rather than imposing rules.
Pros:
Enhances the child’s emotional well-being and self-esteem.
Builds a strong, respectful parent-child relationship.
Encourages positive behaviour through reinforcement rather than punishment.
Cons:
May require significant time and effort to maintain consistency.
Can be challenging in situations requiring immediate disciplinary action.
May result in a child being less resilient to feedback or setbacks in their lives.
Ideal For:
Families looking for a nurturing approach that emphasises emotional connection and positive reinforcement, suitable for children who respond well to encouragement and support.
7. Free-Range Parenting
Overview:
Free-range parenting is characterised by giving children a high degree of freedom and independence, often with fewer rules and more opportunities for self-direction.
Characteristics:
High Independence: Allows children to explore, make decisions, and learn from their experiences.
Minimal Restrictions: Fewer rules and a focus on self-reliance.
Trust: Places significant trust in the child’s ability to handle situations responsibly.
Pros:
Encourages independence, self-confidence, and problem-solving skills.
Promotes exploration and learning through real-life experiences.
Cons:
May lead to safety concerns if boundaries are not appropriately set.
Requires careful balance to ensure children are prepared for the challenges they face as they move through their teens and into adulthood.
Ideal For:
Families who value independence and self-direction, and who are comfortable with a less structured approach to parenting.
Whichever style you adopt, it won't guarantee plain sailing
Choosing a parenting style involves understanding both your own values and your child’s needs. Authoritative parenting often strikes a balance that many find effective, while other styles like permissive or uninvolved may fit different family dynamics. Helicopter and free-range parenting present contrasting approaches to control and freedom, each with its own set of advantages and challenges.
Ultimately, the best parenting style is one that aligns with your family's unique needs, your child’s personality, and your own parenting philosophy. By carefully considering these styles and their impacts, you can create a supportive, nurturing environment that fosters your child’s growth and well-being.
Remember, it’s your parenting style, other people will still share their opinions on your parenting approach whether you encourage them to or not.
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